BhejaFry Episode3: Ammajan Seller Madhouse

Bangalore: A reliable source recently tweeted us. The tweet said Ammajan runs a madhouse for sellers. We are aware that Ammajan runs many services like yoga flex, I have earth, ALS and many more. This was new to us. The tweet also mentioned the location being an abandoned jail. Our team immediately headed to the location.

At the location we found a building. Many people were being brought in heavily armoured trucks and taken inside. At the entrance there were few security guards. We inquired them as to what’s this building all about. They said they cannot reveal any information as it’s classified. We said we are from the bhejafry team. These guys immediately made a few calls and we were allowed inside the building.

It consisted of 5 floors with prisons on each floor. We were taken on the second floor where prisoners were held captive. All of them were shouting “Help”, “Help” along with words like multi-mapping, no delivery, A-Z claim. We were taken inside a room where a lady was working on her desk. They introduced us to this lady and said she will be able to answer your queries. Her name was Vimrun.

We asked her what was happening in this building ?

She replied, “Ammajan runs a special madhouse for sellers. This service was started in 2015. We help sellers recover who have lost their mental balance while selling on Ammajan. First they go to our super qualified seller support doctors and if they do not recover there, they are brought here. We keep them in these prison cells and try to cure them one by one”

Why do they loose their mental balance.

“While selling on Ammajan these sellers encounter issues. To sort them out they approach our qualified seller doctors. Sometimes the knowledge imparted by these highly intelligent support is so much that it effects their brains. These sellers have an option to choose whether to come here or refer another seller support doctor.”

We looked around and found that these sellers had a huge number on their uniform. Many of them had more than one. There was even one seller who was covered from head to toe in these numbers. We asked virmun what are these numbers for.

She said, “The numbers are case ID. Rather than using regular jail numbers we use their case ID that they use while referring support doctor. Sometimes sellers have multiple cases hence multiple numbers.”

We pointed to the person covered in head to toe. Vimrun said, “That is Gareeba she raises cases everyday. We get worried on days if no case get reported from her. As and when the cases are resolved the numbers are removed”.

Do these people leave once all the numbers are removed.

No they stay. They have become used to it. Most of them feel the doctors are of no use. So they stick around and wait for the next number here. Even after getting cured they stay back as they have made many friends in this madhouse. There are Flopkart and Snakedil seller madhouse as well. They have been there too but come back to our place.

Is there no medicine that can cure them permanently.

We have a medicine called “QAP”. Once you take it you are cured permanently. Only few sellers take it in a year. There are sellers who get cured even without it. The “Jhand” king recently was able to leave this madhouse without any issues.

Why don’t you give it to them

“QAP is readily available and they could take it any time. Most of the sellers are reluctant to take it hence never cured. You can find one bottle of QAP there”, she said pointing towards a table. We had a look at the medicine. The words “Quit Ammajan Permanently” were written on it.

Tell us about some of your cases.

We get all types of problems. Sometimes it is specific to an inividual other times it’s common among them. Then we have extreme cases like Robot Singal. His mental state is beyond repair. He messages the CEO of Ammajan even for even smaller issues. Recently he has started writing blogs. He visits our madhouse every other day and starts displaying his blog. Not only that he has created a comic on me (which you can read here). I am really fed up of such sellers. We also have few of them who try to sell their product. They come disguised as mad sellers and then try to sell ayurvedic churan.

We looked around and found vimrun was the only one running the office. There were few more desks here and there but they were empty. We inquired as to where are the others.

“All of them left. I am the only one looking after them. You see those broken keyboards”, she said pointing to the next desk. “That belonged to my colleague. He went mad himself one day and is being treated. Another of my friend consumed “QAP” and was never seen again. I do feel sometimes that I should quit but then I look at these poor sellers and stay back.

Tell us about your personal life.

“Basically I hail from Punjab. My father is LG (Lieutenant Grover) and mother Hoshiba. I have two siblings brother Sabun and sister Tikia. My family has always been supportive of me. My father always say that never to leave the battle station during a war. It’s because of these words I am still working here. I also have a boyfriend named surf. We have been seeing each other for past 3 years. Last year there was an increase in the number of Madhouse inmates by 127%. As a result I am not able to give him time. He says to stay close to me he is willing to become a seller and join the madhouse. That’s so sweet of him.”

Suddenly there was a lot of commotion as more than 100 inmates shouting “Account suspension” were being put pushed outside the buidling. We asked Vimrun what was it about. She said, “Every month there are few sellers who are kicked out of Ammajan. We forcefully give them QAP and still they try to resist it. They want to be a part of the madhouse. I am sorry but I will not be able to talk to you further”. She went outside her room and helped the guards move them out. We assessed that the situation could get ugly and decided to leave. On the way we thanked Vimrun for sharing the information an hoped that god give her strength to maintain the madhouse.

DISCLAIMER: Bhejafry is a satirical article and aims to offend no one. Any resemblance to any person is purely coincidental. If you feel if there is any violation drop us a mail on contact@ecombites.com

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